NEXT!

They weren't kidding. Dating in NYC (or any other overpopulated urban environment) is brutal. In a city of 8 million people, it's almost too easy to be overly selective. For men and women both, if a certain person doesn't fit the bill like you had hoped, it's pretty easy to just say "NEXT!" and return to your regularly scheduled life of trolling bars, exploring the city, and editing your Match.com profile, in hopes of meeting that special someone (or at least to get laid..).

As someone born and bred in the Midwest, I've been trying not to fall too hard into the cynicism of NYC dating. But let's face it, it's happening.

Coming off an ill-fated engagement in 2008 to man that was all wrong for me, I was pretty torn apart. Not cynical, just beat down. 2009 started off pretty intense: I lost a fiance, quit a job in which I was pretty top-of-food-chain, sold my car (damn I lost a lot of money on that), and moved to NYC without a job and measly excuse for a savings. Needless to say, upon arriving on this tiny island, dating was the last thing on my mind.

After a couple months, I decided to throw myself to the sharks, and went on my first real date since my ex-fiance. This guy was totally good on paper: high-powered job, Michigan grad, own 2 NYC apartments, and was good looking. We had a wonderful dinner and great conversation--the works of a good first date. Then it happened, he kissed me. And it was awful. I actually felt his teeth scrape the side of my face. NEXT!

This experience combined with the fact that I wasn't really ready to date after being engaged, pretty much soured me from dating for a good while. Friends encouraged me to try dating sites, I refused. I simply couldn't deal. Dating is tough enough when you're not emotionally scarred.

In December of 2009, I decided it was time to get my act together, romantically. So I joined a dating site, and immediately got many interested gentlemen callers. I made two dates with two different guys in one week. Both dates went fantastic (ok, one more so than the other because we made out for hours...) and I felt back on top. Both guys continued to converse with me, but never asked me out again. So I went out with two more guys over the next couple weeks. Same thing: great time, no second date. Four first dates, no seconds. Had I lost my touch? Had I been NEXTED?

It's hard not to get down or hurt when someone you had general interest in, whether it was one date or five, seems to drop you for no apparent reason. Frankly, I'm over trying to figure people out. In my short time dating in NYC I have realized this: if you're gonna survive it, you better have a thick skin, be prepared to be fawned over, be prepared to be rejected, and be prepared to be the rejector.

There are a lot of shitty people out there, so it's OK to say NEXT! if they aren't for you or like to play emotional war games. Just remember that we all know what it's like to be on both sides of that fence. There are some awesome people out there too, so don't get carried away with your "nexting", and spread some good dating karma.

Besides, if you're one of my friends, and that girl/guy isn't into you, then they obviously suck. Dating should fun, romantic, and exciting. Once it's not, well you know what to do....