NEXT!

They weren't kidding. Dating in NYC (or any other overpopulated urban environment) is brutal. In a city of 8 million people, it's almost too easy to be overly selective. For men and women both, if a certain person doesn't fit the bill like you had hoped, it's pretty easy to just say "NEXT!" and return to your regularly scheduled life of trolling bars, exploring the city, and editing your Match.com profile, in hopes of meeting that special someone (or at least to get laid..).

As someone born and bred in the Midwest, I've been trying not to fall too hard into the cynicism of NYC dating. But let's face it, it's happening.

Coming off an ill-fated engagement in 2008 to man that was all wrong for me, I was pretty torn apart. Not cynical, just beat down. 2009 started off pretty intense: I lost a fiance, quit a job in which I was pretty top-of-food-chain, sold my car (damn I lost a lot of money on that), and moved to NYC without a job and measly excuse for a savings. Needless to say, upon arriving on this tiny island, dating was the last thing on my mind.

After a couple months, I decided to throw myself to the sharks, and went on my first real date since my ex-fiance. This guy was totally good on paper: high-powered job, Michigan grad, own 2 NYC apartments, and was good looking. We had a wonderful dinner and great conversation--the works of a good first date. Then it happened, he kissed me. And it was awful. I actually felt his teeth scrape the side of my face. NEXT!

This experience combined with the fact that I wasn't really ready to date after being engaged, pretty much soured me from dating for a good while. Friends encouraged me to try dating sites, I refused. I simply couldn't deal. Dating is tough enough when you're not emotionally scarred.

In December of 2009, I decided it was time to get my act together, romantically. So I joined a dating site, and immediately got many interested gentlemen callers. I made two dates with two different guys in one week. Both dates went fantastic (ok, one more so than the other because we made out for hours...) and I felt back on top. Both guys continued to converse with me, but never asked me out again. So I went out with two more guys over the next couple weeks. Same thing: great time, no second date. Four first dates, no seconds. Had I lost my touch? Had I been NEXTED?

It's hard not to get down or hurt when someone you had general interest in, whether it was one date or five, seems to drop you for no apparent reason. Frankly, I'm over trying to figure people out. In my short time dating in NYC I have realized this: if you're gonna survive it, you better have a thick skin, be prepared to be fawned over, be prepared to be rejected, and be prepared to be the rejector.

There are a lot of shitty people out there, so it's OK to say NEXT! if they aren't for you or like to play emotional war games. Just remember that we all know what it's like to be on both sides of that fence. There are some awesome people out there too, so don't get carried away with your "nexting", and spread some good dating karma.

Besides, if you're one of my friends, and that girl/guy isn't into you, then they obviously suck. Dating should fun, romantic, and exciting. Once it's not, well you know what to do....

Why didn't he call/text/email/facebook/tweet me?

Holy hell. With as many forms of communication as there are today, it's amazing anyone has true privacy anymore, let alone the ability to put someone out of your mind if needed.

A current experiment of mine on this topic is seeming to backfire on me (or maybe it's just a good lesson learned). A guy I am currently dating (very casual, not serious) is connected digitally to me on nearly every communication level I can think of: text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Foursquare, email, Google Buzz, and Gchat (some of you probably don't even know what a couple of those things are). Frankly, it's starting to drive me mad being able to know his every move.

While the digital age lends us many opportunities to unite with people from afar, easily share information, and simplify efforts of keeping in touch with people, it also can be frustrating and damning to romance and dating.

I don't like what it's doing to me. As if women don't over-obsess enough, now I have ammunition, digital proof if you will. He doesn't return one email, but I can see him on gChat? (so I KNOW he read it!) Sure, he's got time for Twitter or Facebook, but where's the text message response? Hey how about you stop inviting me to join a LinkedIn group and ask me out on that 4th date?

Ridiculous, huh?

In the meantime I just keep thinking, if this guy turns out to be a jerk, that's a lot of digital dis-connections I'll have to make.

And what if we make the cut and actually form a relationship? It's time to let the Facebook world in on it. The last serious relationship I was in about two years ago was my first time actually posting a Facebook status of "In a Relationship with ". In one felt swoop I was able to tell all of my friends about my new man, let them see a picture of him, and maybe even get some quick information about him. Of course this activity spurred several inquiries from my friends, as actually connecting yourself to someone via a Facebook relationship is deemed quite serious.

And what if the relationship ends? The moment that person digitally ends your relationship connection is like another slap in the face. When things ended with my former FB connection, we actually took steps to tell people personally that we broke up, before updating our profile information. And even after that painful moment, I was still getting an influx of messages asking me if I was "ok". (Which by the way the answer was NO!) If we choose to make Facebook or these other digital outlets a place we openly share information, we are essentially letting hundreds of people into our emotional space, for better or worse.

By the way, there is a reason for that "block" feature on Facebook, chat, Twitter, etc. Use it if need be.

Let's Meet for a Drink

While I would rather not write an introduction and just start sharing my fascinating stories, thoughts, and wonder-ments with a virtual audience, I suppose some sort of background on what my attempted 15-minutes of web fame is all about.

So here I am, a single, mid-to-late 20s girl living in NYC. Originally hailing from the midwest, I have been in Manhattan just over a year after longing to live here for nearly 14 years. I am a social butterfly (note: NOT a socialite) who loves and befriends many types of people. It was of the reasons (aside from just how great this city is) that I wanted to move here: the people. I work a somewhat normal 9-5 job, pay way too much in rent, explore NYC and its outer boroughs when possible, and I go on dates. I guess one difference between me and others is that I have chosen to blog about it.

I have experienced many different types of dating scenarios (from flaky to ultra-serious) and find myself talking to both my male and female friends about these topics daily. I know what you're thinking, "just another Sex and the City wannabe", but no that's not it. I'm not in my 30s, I don't live a six-figure or more NYC lifestyle, and I now date in a digital world, which greatly impacts the way we think about dating, the people we date, and how we communicate. Oh also, I am REALITY.

So here I am, ready to date, ready to write, and ready to entertain. And of course, doing this all anonymously, so as not to scare away a potential happy future. Enjoy.