Sexpectations

When we decide to bare all with someone in the bedroom, do we automatically sustain the right to expect them to bare all emotionally?

The answer: no.

What do you mean NO?!?

Let me break this down. As a single girl who is dating very actively, I make choices. We all make choices. Sometimes bad, sometimes good. If you make a choice to sleep with someone you're dating, you must be prepared for a variety of reactions. Women, keep in mind that ultimately men are hunters: it's not so much about the tail as it is the chase. Men, remember that women hold the power to letting you get what you want. And everyone remember, that actions (more so than words) are very telling.

It's inevitable that human behavior changes once sex is introduced into a dating scenario, usually a shift in power and communication, whether positive or negative. So, even though we can't command certain post-coital bliss behavior from our partner, we still expect it. And analyze it. And agonize over it.

"How long do you like to be held? All night, right?

See, there's the problem, somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem."

Source: IMDB.com, "When Harry Met Sally", 1989, Castle Rock Entertainment

Sex is the easy part. It's what comes after it that's tough. Let's say you've gone on 3 dates with someone, with the average date being 2-3 hours long. You've spent maybe a total of 6-9 hours with this person, enough to know that you are physically attracted to them, but not enough to know you're ready to take your Grade A loins off the meat market.

I'm not saying don't do "it". I'm a firm believer of test driving the car before making a purchase. I'm just saying make your own rules.

For example, my rule is that I only sleep with one person at a time (no, I'm not talking about a threesome). Personally, I feel that I can't be intimate with multiple people in the same period of time and balance all the emotions that come with it. Or maybe your rule is no sex until there is monogamy. Decide how well you want to KNOW someone and emotionally invest in them before going too deep. (pun intended). And be prepared for outcomes and reactions no matter what. People are people, and we might never figure them out.

Now, if I could only keep my over-analyzing to a minimum. But what's the fun in that!?